


Apologies and Confessions

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-13
Updated: 2012-10-13
Packaged: 2017-11-16 06:14:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/536391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean prays to Castiel who's still stuck in Purgatory.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Apologies and Confessions

**Author's Note:**

> This is before canon showed whether or not Benny was truly a good guy; just keep that in mind.

 

A door closes stealthily as a figure makes his way to the parking lot of the sleazy motel.  It heads toward an Impala, rubbing its hands together in the frigid air.

Dean can’t do this in the room with Sammy there.  Hell, he was barely comfortable with it even when he knew for sure Benny was out of earshot, and now with what happened…

_DEAN!_

_DEAN!!_

The angel’s pleas flood his mind and cause him to pause as he reaches the Impala, right hand coming up to rub his face width-wise.

He climbs into the front seat of the one place he has ever been able to call home and secures his solitude by shutting the driver’s side door.

Leaning his head onto the familiar leather of the steering wheel, he closes his eyes and replays his last memory of Castiel.

_He is grasping Cas’ wrist as tight as he can, his face screwed up in concentration._

_He can’t let go.  They can’t be separated again, not like this._

_DEAN!_

_And he can hear Benny cursing him,_

_“Let go._

_It’s our only chance._

_LET GO.”_

_DEAN!!_

_And whether by accident or not, his fingers slip on the angel’s sweaty wrist, and a light flashes and…_

Dean’s breathing is labored as he sobs into the steering wheel, eyes pressed tightly together as he begins to speak.

“Cas…Cas please be alive, man.  I need you to hear this.  I’m sorry.”

He inhales sharply.

“I shouldn’t have been so selfish.  I could’ve held on, and I know you’d say that it wasn’t my fault but there was a part of me that wanted to let go and I can’t ever forgive myself for that.”

His eyes open and look to the sky only to shut tightly again.  His tongue wets his lips, and his mouth hangs open slightly, waiting anxiously to form the end of the prayer.

“Please hold on.  I need you.”

He stalls, and it comes out in barely a whisper.

“I love you.”

It’s the first time he has ever said it out loud, and his shoulders sink as that wall of denial that he’s deeply in love with Cas is demolished.

“And I know I don’t deserve you in any way after abandoning you, but hang in there…for me.”


End file.
